Foreword
A quick disclaimer, ranking people based on attractiveness is gross and I'll punch you if you do this. That being said, the HuniePop girls are both fictional and exist solely for degenerates like me to enjoy, so we can make an exception, I'm sure.
For those of you who are somehow uncultured, HuniePop is a dating simulator game that utilizes a match 3 puzzle mechanic to develop your relationship with a cast of 12 ladies, eventually leading to sexy times. Each girl, for the most part, envelops a particular character type, such as Tiffany being the sweetheart or Nikki being the gamer girl, with some slightly deeper personalities.
AND AS SUCH, there can only be one best girl, which is what we'll determine here today. ... I never thought this would be my first countdown but it somehow feels fitting.
Number 12 - And Worst Girl.
Audrey
I have many opinions about Audrey. (And certainly, didn't just do a short internet search to see if I'm missing something.) She fits the "Brat / Bitch" character arc type. I first met her, I believe, when she was hanging out at the club with Nikki and was already prickly - trying to make an underage Nikki drink and party when she really didn't want to.
You properly meet Audrey when she is leaving Kyanna's hair salon and proceeds to insult, berate and belittle her. She doesn't get much better from here, constantly being rude and mean to the main protagonist while having a general air of superiority.
She does seem to lighten up and become a little softer after the boinkening, but she'll be back into her usual ways pretty much right after leaving.
I do really enjoy Audrey's style, however. She switches outfits pretty frequently, including hair styles. I'm a sucker for the split hair color look she has with one outfit. Other than that, I don't have much to say about her. I get the appeal to the brat type, but there needs to he a nice playfulness to it that Audrey just doesn't have.
Number 11
Momo
Advance apologies to a certain avian individual, who I know has Momo ranked fairly high, if not as best. I respectfully disagree and dislike Momo.
Momo is a cat girl. As far as we can tell, and she sorta confirms when we ask her, she is legitimately just a human/cat hybrid. We meet her when we drop a goldfish at the park and she comes up to ask us if are okay with her taking it. After some brief conversation, we are able to allow her to live with us at our apartment and she affectionately begins to call the player Master. So far, I'm not horribly against anything related to her, other than her voice being a touch too cutesy.
The big problem comes when we learn that she is technically one year old in cat years, which apparently translate to 18 in human years. I get it. I understand that nothing wrong or gross is legally happening... but if you have to put quantifiers such as these on the situation then we begin to have major problems. Momo caters to both the furry and the loli fetishes. ("Not Like Us" intensifies.) I think it would be less of a problem if she just had that in human years she's 18 (which is still very much a child - I cannot stress that enough.). And overall, this gives such a yucky feeling for me that the only reason I don't rank her at worst is because I actively hate Audrey and I don't *hate* Momo. I just can't feel good about her calling me "Master" knowing that she is as young as she is. Which is a shame, since I enjoy the Master/Slave aspect of BDSM WHEN DONE RIGHT (which cannot be stressed enough).
Other issues I have are that her personality mostly consists of her being hyperactive, cutesy innocent (to a point of annoyance, personally), and a cluelessness to how most normal/human things work. Not much of what I'd be looking for in a partner.
Number 10
Venus
The next three entries can honestly be ranked in any order. I don't have too strong of feelings about any of them, partially because of them being "bonus" characters and not feeling too fleshed (haha) out. The first of this trio is Theiatena Venus, the love goddess that runs the fairy world that Kyu hails from. Unlockable only after giving Kyu the panties of all the other girls, Venus serves as a final boss of sorts.
I don't dislike Venus by any measure. She speaks in a regal, courtly manner - as a goddess should. This may be what makes her a touch unapproachable, since her personality doesn't expand much past that. Physically she is, quite literally, the embodiment of desire but this list is not arranged by the doinkability of the ladies. I can't see myself having a personal and romantic relationship with Venus. I know I would ask her a plethora of questions concerning godhood and the fairy world and so on but I don't think there is much overlap in our personalities or interests other than banging. I also feel she wouldn't be terribly interested in a committed relationship either. She's the goddess of love, I'm sure she has much more important things to do then entertain the desires of a mere mortal. A fine character, with one of the best underwear sets in the game, but not one I can see myself partnering with.
The first character we meet and date in the game, Kyu Sugardust serves the tutorial character as well as a mentor. She's the one that kicks off everything and takes the player from the virgin loser to the mega slut we've always wanted to be.
In similar fashion to Venus, Kyu kind of exists just for the sex. There's a touch more attraction and connection with Kyu, since she was with us throughout the entirety of our journey, but as the fandom wiki describes it - her relationship with the player is friends with benefits at most. Again, I don't dislike Kyu by any measure - though her blase nature towards things can be a bit off putting. She's very much the "proud slut" character type, which is fun, but I just couldn't see myself in any meaningful relationship with her and I don't imagine her wanting to pursue anything of the sort. It is nice to have a character that willingly says the intrusive thoughts out loud, though.
Number 8
Celeste
Rounding out the trio of bonus girls is Celeste, arguably the most interesting of the three, which is weird to say since the other two are magical fairy beings.
Celeste is an alien bounty hunter and most likely a reference to Samus, or at least that's the first connection I make when I think of space bounty hunters. So, obviously, there's a ton of things I could talk to her about. I love space, maybe not as much as Markiplier, but still a lot. But, unfortunately, Celeste has the same shortcomings as Kyu and Venus where she's pretty one note in her personality. She's an alien, so earthly things are foreign to her. Maybe I just dislike the fish out of water / doesn't know common human things character type.
At the same time, and I completely blame the greatest game ever made - Outer Wilds - for my love of space, I can't help but want to spend some time with Celeste, though probably not romantically. I would need to know her a bit more outside of what the game offers us. But that's for the fan fiction writers to figure out and Lord knows I don't have the time or energy to work that out. Absolutely would smash though. I mean, she's a curvy alien. Of course it is a smash.
Number 7
Everything about me says that I should like Nikki. She's a gamer, she's an introvert, she has a nice rack - but I just don't care for her personality. She's too distant and too cold. I completely understand disliking people, but where my introverted nature compels me to avoid being around large crowds or talking to strangers - Nikki's kind of a bitch. There's being distant and then there's being actively hostile to people who, for the most part, don't deserve it.
Specifically, I mostly dislike her interaction with Lola when we properly meet the stewardess. We see her asking Nikki for service, at the cafe Nikki works in, and Nikki not only refuses her - but she does so in a fairly rude manner. In Nikki's defense, being asked to do more of your job when you've already gone into overtime absolutely sucks - and Lola didn't handle it the best either, since demanding service is also a bad look - but there's correct and incorrect ways to go about things, especially when customer service is your job.
Outside of this interaction, Nikki's personality just clashes with mine. I can't see myself ever being able to bond over things. To offer an example, Nikki seems like she'd be the toxic League of Legends player. The vibes are off, but she ranks higher because I don't actively hate her or find her inconsequential.
Number 6
Jessie
Look. I'm your run of the mill, allo-heterosexual man. As such, I love a good MILF and Jessie certainly is a good MILF. She's literally a sex working, curvy bombshell - so physically she ticks multiple boxes.
What prevents Jessie from ranking higher, as with the previous ladies, is her personality. I don't - hate - her personality but it is as equally one noted as Kyu. She's hypersexual and most of the conversation with her revolves around smashing. What makes Jessie more appealing than the other girls is the sense that there is a compelling backstory hidden beneath the surface.
Jessie is Tiffany's estranged mother, but she has a desire to reconnect with her daughter. Through conversation and gift items, she's obviously feeling hurt by their relationship and I have a strong desire to help her repair it. This, of course, doesn't happen in the game but I can't help but feel for her. Do I think I'd be able to have a personal relationship with Jessie? Maybe once the layer of hypersexuality is stripped (hehe) away and I get to know the *real* Jessie. I feel for her. Just not as much as the rest of the girls on here.
Number 5
Aiko
The Top 5. We now get into the gals that I feel something a little extra for. Starting that off, and winner of the best underwear in the game cause damn do I like that black and lilac look, is Aiko.
Smart and sexy is a powerful combination and Aiko wears both well. She's a young college professor, although I don't think we ever learn what subject she teaches, who hates her job - relatable. I do enjoy her sense of humor, though it is a coping mechanism for dealing her with depression - also relatable. I find her overall vibe pretty enjoyable. I'm not sure how much I would have in common with her, since gambling is her main hobby. I've personally never gambled in any official capacity, though casinos do sound like fun in moderation. I feel there would be some overlap, since gaming isn't too far away from gambling - I mean, they even share some letters. What keeps her at the bottom of the top 5 is that is that the next four girls are ones I can see myself legitimately dating or pursuing. Aiko is great but I feel there is just something missing from her personality that would push her higher up the list.
Still. Well done. Would smash.
Number 4
Beli
What a sweetheart. For a time, Beli was #1. She's the token nice girl. She's shy, kind and spiritual. There's so many good things I can say about her.
Her eyes are purple, which of course is amazing. Her body type tends to be the one I'm most attracted to - curvy with a bit of extra squish. But, of course, the things I enjoy most about her is her personality.
She always speaks with a respectful manner, in a way where she is hyper empathetic. She's sweet almost to fault. She also has a deep spiritual side, though she doesn't seem to belong to any particular religion. Her beliefs seem to be deeper than that, something akin to Buddhism, where everything is connected on a spiritual level.
Beli overall seems like a joy to just hangout in nature with experience some of the more artistic side of things. What knocked her down from being my #1 is that niceness can only carry a person so far. I love that she is kind but would love her more if she was a bit more outgoing, even if it's in private with just her partner. A character that comes to mind is Hinata from Naruto. She's the shy, introverted girl who speaks softly and avoids conflict. In Boruto - the sequel series to Naruto - she, frankly, takes less shit because she knows she can fight back and win.
Still. Lemme smooch Beli.
Number 3
Lola
Talk about a powerful woman. Lola is just incredible. She checks so many boxes for what I find desirable in a partner. She's physically a 10/10 - I mean just look at her. More importantly, she is strong willed, intelligent and hard-working woman.
Lola is confident and will do all she can to make her dreams and goals come true. She's very driven in her career and personal life, wanting to chase success and experience new things. And despite being goal oriented and career focus, she doesn't let that ruin her personal life.
I am a bit of a workaholic, either working at my day job or working on content creation. This trait can easily be toxic, whether that means neglecting your relationships for your job's sake or being cutthroat in your chosen profession. Lola doesn't seem to be either of these. While she won't take any transgression lying down, she's certainly not toxic. It's not that she is in love with her job, she is in love with success and whatever that means to her personality. And I just respect and admire that so much.
Also she so incredibly sexy. Like my goodness.
Number 2
Tiffany
The definition of a sweetheart. Tiffany is the adorable, friendly and bubbly college student. She certainly fits the girl next door archetype, with the cheerleader hobby and all. Tiffany is a wonderful mix of kind and silly.
She's smart and outgoing, looking to enjoy the most out of her life while accomplishing her goals. According to a wiki/fandom article, she has aspirations to be a nurse, and since we've seen her babysitting Kyanna's son, she's clearly the caring and loving type. I feel like hanging out with Tiffany would feel so natural, as she's low maintenance (actively asking the player to not spend too much money on her) and low stress. She actively avoids conflict, such as when the player either does a bad combo in the puzzle game or gets a trivia question about her wrong.
While we never really get to know the characters more specific hobbies (such as movie or game preferences), I get that vibe that I would have a lot in common with Tiffany. If I wasn't such a weird, awkward Traumatized kid during school, I would definitely have been friends with people like Tiffany.
She's also so incredibly pretty. I do tend to prefer curvy women, but Tiffany is so fit and tight that of course I find her attractive. Also she looks so damn good in that pink underwear.
Number 1
Kyanna
It's her. The best girl. In some regards, I should dislike Kyanna. She cares very much about her body image and beauty. I'm sure I don't need to tell you about the countless number of gym bros who are incredibly toxic. Kyanna is the complete opposite.
She has ambitions to become a celebrity, specifically an actor / singer / dancer (as far as this wiki page goes). Which is an ambition I do relate to, to an extent. Content creation, to a certain degree, requires one to become famous. More to the point, Kyanna does not seem to be the type to shame a person for not being the best-looking version of themself. The vibe I get from her is that she loves fitness for what it does for her. She loves being physically healthy because it makes her love herself better, not because of some societal expectation of beauty. Same with working at a beauty salon and being a hairdresser. She loves dressing herself up for herself - as is the case with most women. She wears makeup for herself, not anyone else.
Furthermore, I do fall for the tomboy character types, such as my lady love. Kyanna gives me the impression that I would be able to nerd out about pretty much everything with her. She is definitely the type of person who will destroy you in any competitive video game or will cheer on her favorite sports team. I get the feeling that she would be incredibly supportive of whatever goals or ambitions I have. She would probably have the power to get me off my lazy butt and actually get fit.
She's also sweet and caring, never once belittling the player or being rude. That being said, when Audrey was speaking out of line, she definitely was ready to throw down with her. She is more than willing to stick up for herself, her son and anyone else she cares about. She has such admirable qualities about her and to top it off I feel that I would get along with her really well.
She's also hot as hell, as most Latina women are. Of course, all the working out has given her an incredibly toned body, she also has some amazing curves and gorgeous hair and eyes and yeah. I like Kyanna a lot. 10/10. Would Date. Followed by a lot of smashing.
Backword
And that is my list of the Huniepop ladies. Kyanna is my wife, and I will hear no arguments. But if you do feel so compelled, maybe leave a comment or @ me at my socials. I'll be nice about it. I appreciate you so much for reading this... this horrendous first Top 10 list I've ever made. Who let me do this. I did. You're welcome.
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