Valar Morghulis: All Shows Must Die

 Dawn has broken on another Monday. The ashes have settled and the sun rises a new. But the anger that plagued my sleep the night before is still burning as hot as ever.

“How could this have happened?” I keep asking both myself and my partner. How, indeed. While I can’t delve into the how, considering I don’t work on the show, I can explain the why.

So last night (Sunday May 13.) Game of Thrones Season 8, Episode 5 aired. I watched the show and after about 15-20 minutes, I wanted to completely give up on it. If you follow the show at all, then you would know that the final season has been a bit sub-par. I was one of the viewers arguing that it was still good. I argued that it was still fun to watch and well written.

I am disappointed in how the Night King was defeated. How it happened was fine and Ayra dealing the final blow was okay - would’ve made more sense for a different character to do the deed but whatever. My problem with the Battle for Winterfell was that some of the battle strategies were idiotic and most characters had plot armor. The episode after wounded my faith in the show.

Dany is moving her troops to King’s Landing to confront Cersei and take the throne. She ignores Sansa’s advice to let the troops rest. The writers ignore the fact that the Greyjoy’s have retaken the Iron Islands and are supposed to meet up with them. She ignores her advisers when they say Dorne and other major holds support her claim. She ignores that a good chunk (though apparently less then what we saw) of her troops are dead. She becomes an idiot and happily flies her dragons, one that nearly died fighting the Night King, and travels via water to King’s Landing.

Of course Euron destroys her puny fleet and kills one of her dragons in the process. It was then the blade was revealed. Why didn’t Rhaegal die in the last episode? It’s an issue that plagues a lot of writing. If a character survives miraculously and then dies not soon after - it cheapens the viewers emotions. It makes us care less about what is happening.

So Dany loses one dragon and immediately wants to go destroy the Iron Fleet. They open fire at her and she barely manages to get away. Keep this in mind. It is important.

She retreats and finds out Missandei survived the attack (another miracle) and was captured. Dany decides to confront Cersei with approximately 12-20 unsullied, a wounded Drogon, Varys, and Tyrion.

Dany, the last of her army, her last dragon, and three of her generals - including Grey Worm, are well within striking distance of the scorpions ( giant cross bows that can kill dragons ) and many archers. Tyrion and Qyburn talk about surrendering for a moment before the half-man tried to talk to Cersei directly. He says there’s still good and she doesn’t want to hurt innocents, even though she purposefully had citizens invited into the city to be used as a human shield. She ignores Tyrion and has Missandei executed - once again saving a character only to have her killed off moments later. It makes no sense to write like this. You kill the tension and suspense of your show. Granted we knew Missandei was captured, how this happened - we will never know. During the chaos the Greyjoy’s somehow saw her and decided not to immediately murder her.

So one of her best friends and most beloved allies is murdered before her eyes and she… just leaves for Dragonstone. No one else dies during this exchange. Cersei could have killed half of her enemies in one attack but decides to let them live. She would never do this. This woman literally blew up a church to get revenge - and that was when her last living child was alive. Now she has the opportunity to almost end the war and she just let’s everyone leave? I’ll remind you that this is the daughter of a man who murdered all of his foes at a wedding. This decision just makes no sense for her character.

And then there is Dany, the new mad queen herself. She just leaves after someone she loves is murdered - after her child was murdered. She just leaves and locks herself away in Dragonstone. Not exactly an insane decision, is it?

This was when the bad writing put the tip of its blade into my stomach. It hurt but was only a flesh wound. It wouldn’t be until episode 5 that I realized the show truly wanted to kill off all my faith.

So, Varys and Tyrion were discussing treason in the episode prior. Varys argues Dany was going mad and Tyrion arguing that she was still what’s best for Westeros.

We open to Varys continuing his treason, writing a letter that proclaims Jon as the one true heir. He decides not to and burns the note. One of his followers tells him that she is being watched and his suspicions are confirmed when the Unsullied take him into custody- but not before talking with Jon about the throne and the Northman still rejecting the notion. 

We learn that Tyrion betrayed him. This is when the show killed my hope. Tyrion goes to the queen and tells her everything - about Varys, Sansa, Jon and all. He would not do this. Unless he felt his own life was in immediate danger he would never betray Varys, his most trusted ally. It’s like the writers forgot that Tyrion is supposed to enjoy playing the game of thrones. He would never risk losing a powerful ally like Varys. But he betrays him anyways and Dany executes him - killing one of my favorite characters and my love for this show. And his death is very much skimmed over. No screaming. No noise of pain or agony. We never even see his body.

It was hard to watch the rest of the episode. We flash forward to the assault on King’s Landing. Jon is commanding the ground forces and Dany is with Drogon. Yara and the Greyjoys continue to be absent from the story. Tyrion, having previously pleaded with Dany, repeats himself to Jon. If they ring the bells, that means the city surrenders. This is the second time we see an assault on King’s Landing, the first being when Stannis stormed the Blackwater. This is the first time we hear about any bells meaning surrender. It comes out of nowhere but it’s not that hard to digest.

Jon, being the noble Northerner he is, agrees with Tyrion. The fighting starts with Dany, hiding behind the bright sun and SNEAKING HER BIGGEST DRAGON right on top of the Greyjoy fleet. Euron spots her and opens fire. Dany, having bought a new set of plot armor for her and her dragon, easily dodge hundreds of extremely accurate scorpions. She easily destroys the fleet with Drogon’s now explosive fire breath.

The ground troops attack the city, easily killing the Gold Company - completely making their story line irrelevant. They breach the walls and start beating back the Lannisters. Dany continues to burn the armies when the bells start to ring, signifying the battle is over. The ground forces throw down their swords, and the city is overtaken. But Dany, despite being the caring, motherly character we know. Despite her only being ruthless and cruel to her enemies and unjust men - decides to keep attacking, destroying the city and burning innocent people alive. This is when the show completely died for me.

I have been reading a lot online about how Dany’s descent had been telegraphed and foreshadowed since the beginning. The farthest back we can see is when she was in the House of the Undying. We see her go through many odd, vision like rooms. We see her in the red keep and what appears to be snow all around her. Originally, we took this as either reference to Jon Snow or to The Night King. Lately, people have been claiming it’s ash, not snow. And if that’s the case, I think it’s a really cool bit of story telling.

The thing is, I can easily accept mad queen Dany. I have no problem with her going insane. It’s the execution that bothers me. People also like to point out how she has burned, crucified, and all together been rather ruthless and cruel. This is true. She has been cruel… to her enemies. She burns the witch that killed Drogo. She burns and crucifies slave masters. She destroys or takes control of sellswords and Dothraki who would do horrible things without her guidance. But she has never harmed an innocent person. That’s where the big problem lies and why so many feel like her character got ruined.

Dany wants to break the wheel. Now, this shouldn’t be taken as Dany wants to invent democracy or abolish the throne. She wants to create a better world- one where war crimes, crimes against humanity and things of that nature are outlawed. She hates the common practices that go on in Westeros and wants to make a better place - and she’ll do so with fire and blood. She’ll make her new world by killing off the old. NOT BY BURNING MILLIONS ALIVE. Dany is cruel but just. She’s not as psychotic as her father but she is as ruthless and brutal.

While we’re on the subject - let’s talk about how I would make her descent make a little more sense and be a tad more satisfying. Before I go on, allow me to link a video by Hello Future Me where he discusses how to fix the Night King.

Link: Let's Rewrite the Battle of Winterfell [ Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 3 ]

Dany wins. No debate there. Dany wins King’s Landing and is able to take the throne. Her battle is mostly focused on Euron’s forces, however this time with Yara Greyjoy is backing her up. Yara’s ships prove to be faster or stronger then Euron’s - perhaps they developed their own kind of seafaring weapon, either a scorpion or maybe one of those Greek fire weapons. Regardless, the Iron Fleet is swarmed by both dragon and ships - stuck between choosing who to open themselves up to. Yara eventually boards Euron’s ship and is able to kill him.

On the ground, fighting is tough but ultimately goes Dany’s way. Perhaps Drogon opens a hole for them or destroys the scorpions. The forces, led by Jon and Greyworm - enter King’s Landing. Both sides suffering heavy loses.

Meanwhile, Jaime is in the city. However, he’s not here to be reunited with Cersei. He’s now here to help defeat her. He makes his way up to the bell tower, ringing the bell and signifying the opposition’s surrender. As all her men start throwing down their arms and being taken prisoner, Cersei flees the city and successfully makes it back to Casterly Rock. Once there she manages to scrounge up a defensive position and waits for her enemies to pursue her.

In this rewrite, The Hound still faces off against the Mountain - either killing him or dying in the process. If he dies, I would have it so Arya avenges him but the ultimate outcome is not something that needs much work.

With all the Lannister’s and Golden Company capture Dany gives those not belonging to House Lannister a chance to bend the knee. Those who belong to the Lannisters are not given the chance. Dany - seeing the  proud lions as a threat that will never yield, feels there is no choice but to kill them all. She burns those prisoners alive while Jon and Tyrion protest.

With King’s Landing taken, Dany leaves Jon to defend it and Tyrion to rule while she burns Casterly Rock. Now is when Jon, Tyrion and Varys ( who hasn’t been executed yet ) discuss overthrowing Dany. By time the Rock is destroyed, Jon and those in the city have turned on Dany - leading us to the final battle between the two.

That’s at least, how I would rewrite Dany’s descent into madness. When she leaves for the Rock she chooses to kill everyone there.

So let’s talk about some other big time issues I had with the episode. Like how Jaime’s character development was completely and utterly DESTROYED. Eight seasons of Jaime being nasty, realizing his mistakes, and then finally becoming someone honorable. None of that matters. Him sacrificing his hand for Brienne? Means nothing. How he decided to jump into a pit to save her from a bear? Pointless. All that matters to him, apparently, is Cersei and how much he loves her. Even his last comments to Brienne suggests that he is going to KILL Cersei. “Cersei’s hateful. And so am I.” This doesn’t sound like a man who’s running back to be in the arms of his lover. This is a man who wants revenge against what made him evil. His fight with Euron is boring and uneventful. Both of their deaths are anti-climactic and unearned. A waste of one of the best redemption stories ever told.

How about the Clegane Bowl everyone was hyped about? Boring. The Hound and The Mountain fight each other in a crumbling tower. We see The Mountain’s face and while it’s ugly, doesn’t satisfy the buildup that it has. They exchange blows, The Mountain surviving LITERAL STABS TO THE HEAD EVEN THOUGH HE’S A PRODUCT OF SCIENCE, NOT MAGIC. The fight ends with The Hound tackling The Mountain out of the tower and the two falling to their deaths. Another waste of a wonderful anti-hero.

“A Maiden could walk the kings road in her name day dress and not be assaulted, when a Stark was in Winterfell.” I am paraphrasing the quote and I don’t recall who said it but it paints the North as a land full of loyal and honorable men. We have been taught the entire show that good people live in the North. And yet, during the attack, we see Northmen pillaging and raping at will. Jon ordered these men to stop once the enemy surrendered and they ignored him. Him - the proclaimed King in the North, the man they want on the Iron throne. And not one listened to their commander’s order. This frustrates me beyond belief. It ruined the entire image I had of the North. Granted, this is War. During this time period, things like this happened all the time… but they never happened when Robb was leading the charge. We heard of no instances of rape or pillaging as Robb Stark made his way South. But now the same men seem to have thrown their honor out the same window Jaime threw his through.

I’m sure there is more I could talk about but my attention and rage are growing thin. Will I watch the final episode? Absolutely. Will I hate it? Probably. Will I write about it anyways? More than likely.

But for now - Thanks for reading and as always - Good night and joy be with you all.